Day 5 A Change of Life

It's strange how a death of a family pet can change family dynamics. Many of the daily "jobs" disappear. Not having to pick up dog shit at the crack of dawn and water down the pee spots to save the expensive lawn grass. The crows miss the dog since Pauline doesn't put pieces of bread on the bird feeder out back for the sparrows. The crows always flew in to steal the pieces and Sassy the dog would burst out of the house through the doggie door to chase the crows away.

She didn't care about sparrows and the sparrows ignored her. Sometime during sleepy afternoons, Sassy the dog would roll around on the lawn and take a nap. Sparrows would come hopping around often mere inches from Sassy looking for whatever sparrows look for. Sometimes Sassy would be awake and watch the sparrows curiously as they hopped around her. Crows on the other hand would tease the dog by alighting on the lawn, watching the doggie door for Sassy's charge, then fly away hopping on a nearby wall to scold her. If no charge, the crow would go to the bird feeder and chow down.

No walks either. Each morning would have a "car ride" for Sassy, me taking her in my old 1994 Dodge Caravan around the city to some neighborhood park not yet visited and Sassy and I would walk around, her sniffing the new territory and I with the ready dog poo bag. Often we would go twice a day, two car rides. what a deal! Nowadays, no walks, no car rides, just staring at the empty back lawn, waiting for nothing.

Loss of a Friend

Along with my son Michael and wife Pauline, took Sassy the Dog to an Emergency Vet Care facility to have Sassy euthanized this evening. Sassy's system was shutting down and she had stopped eating over 24 hours ago. She stopped drinking water as well and was vomiting bile since her stomach was empty for over a day.

She slept all day, and was in pain and would whimper while sleeping. Breathing was difficult due to the two large tumors on her throat. The decision was made to put her out of her pain, and since her lymphoma was terminal, and her system was shutting down, it was either this evening or tomorrow.

Not wanting her to suffer, we brought her in and within 30 minutes she was put down. My heart broke to see her lying there dead, when just a few minutes earlier she was sitting looking at me.

My pet, my companion, and dear friend is now gone. She was only a dog, but the hole she left in my heart is huge and beyond description. Why do I feel so empty?

Rainy weather

Heavy rain fell yesterday and today. Unusual for Southern California, sort of a late winter just before Spring. The gloomy skies and cold wind was embraced by Sassy the Dog. She has been moving slower and slower these past days and her days to come can be counted on on hand.

The cancer is apparently affecting her organs so that she has difficulty breathing and with her other bodily functions. She is now always very still and is not the dog that she was for the past 5 years. Illness makes her timid and defensive. Sometimes she forgets the pain and acts lively like she did before, only to stop her actions after a few seconds, catching her wind and then finding a dark corner to lie quietly. She goes outside to the patio and enjoys the cold breeze, the rain and the humid air bringing her scents.

The gloomy day reflects the mood of our family as we watch Sassy dying ever so slowly.

Dogs and dying

Sassy the dog is dying from lymphoma. Since being diagnosed September 2005, she has lasted longer than I would have expected. The chemo treatments didn't work for her, but it sure put a dent in our retirement budget. Now we have a shortfall which has to be made up by taking it out of savings. Savings which is not growing since both of us are retired.

I think I might need to think about returning to work or at least some kind of employment to build up the savings reserve that we just expended on chemo treatments for a dog that was going to die regardless.

The things we do for our pets.

I hope to start traveling a bit more, even if it just a couple miles out of the area, so that I have more reason to continue this blog. Meanwhile, I will let you know when Sassy passes her next and final milestone.